magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

leaving george's house last night, i was hit with at first the scent of er!n's hair (as i had been a number of times throughout the day, i'm not sure if i was smelling it on me, or from memory) and then a wave of sadness, a poignant sort of sadness that i had begun to feel earlier in the day with the orange tree but had been cut short when i broke the side-view mirror on my van.

friday night i drove into bristol to see er!n 'cause she came home for the long weekend. we listened to the new nields cd and some ida, and i made an effort to actually talk some. and it was just really nice to spend some time with her, even if she did fall asleep for a bit. at 4am i opted for the couch rather than the drive home.

in the morning er!n got up to go out and do some photo assignments, and i talked with her mom for a bit. when she asked me why i had decided to move to texas i explained the fmf and see, but my heart wasn't in it. and (i'm switching gears for a moment here) that's really endemic of the way i've been feeling about it for a while. george and i both agreed last night that the main reason we were pushing ahead with things right now was out of some sort of obligation. what my heart was saying (returning to my original train of thought here) was i'm going to miss yr daughter incredibly much, it's going to be hard living that far away from her.

it being only about noon and quite a nice day, i figured i'd stop by george's house. he was still asleep when i got there, and did not stir when i banged on his bedroom door, so figured he could use the sleep and watched some bad 80s movies on tv. when he did get up we went out to this field near his house that is filled with giant abstract sculptures, but found that "no trespassing" signs had been put up along its length. that was a little depressing.

i caught up on sleep a little myself last night, and had some vivid dreams this morning, but lost them in the shower.