Untitled.
19 November 1998
![[ ]](http://mbpix.mushroom.net/19981119y.png)
the way i see it, there are two things hanging over me right now. getting billing out, and signing up for this texas aptitude test thing. i think that once i get those out of the way, i'll feel a lot less stressed. of course there's the actual taking of the test and all the server configuration stuff, but that's the next level of things.
i fired off a message to daniel this morning, kinda a point by point rebuttal of a pissy letter he sent me. i tried to keep from getting too upset, 'cause he did have some salient points among the crackhead junk. i didn't get a response back. i waited. i logged off and played the guitar for a bit. i logged back on. still nothing.
eventually i noticed that marc was online. he says daniel's a spaz and went home. he says daniel's in a really bad mood and wanted to borrow a car so that he could come down (all 1800 miles) and "beat me". nice. i say if i see yr car trolling around my neighborhood i'll know to lock my door.
i ask him if he thinks li is really done for this time. he says it's really looking that way. he's started thinking about looking for other work. he says daniel's pushing this shit that if li falls apart it's cause of him (and me, i'm sure). i say hey, li's been spiraling since long before you ever started working here.
maybe it is finally time to just give up. i can't really get an accurate reading on things from here, but i have to say that the thought that it could all be over soon felt liberating. it's sad, despite all the junk i've been through, it's been a good three and a half years. it's like a family growing apart. but families do grow apart. and people get on with their lives. i was trying to remember the seven (or however many there are) stages of loss. i know acceptance is the last one. maybe it's been so long in coming that the others have already been dispensed with.
and nothing's even certain yet. this is all based on a twenty minute conversation with marc who had just spent a morning dealing with daniel in one of his moods.
then later, spaced ten minutes apart, i got pages from er!n and alex. my beeper was such a worthwhile investment. it really takes some of the distance off.
and then george and i went to try another vegetarian restaurant tonight. it's just a couple of blocks up and over from us. and it turned out to be pretty good. which is cool. and they've got vegan apple pie and chocolate cake and stuff.
i fired off a message to daniel this morning, kinda a point by point rebuttal of a pissy letter he sent me. i tried to keep from getting too upset, 'cause he did have some salient points among the crackhead junk. i didn't get a response back. i waited. i logged off and played the guitar for a bit. i logged back on. still nothing.
eventually i noticed that marc was online. he says daniel's a spaz and went home. he says daniel's in a really bad mood and wanted to borrow a car so that he could come down (all 1800 miles) and "beat me". nice. i say if i see yr car trolling around my neighborhood i'll know to lock my door.
i ask him if he thinks li is really done for this time. he says it's really looking that way. he's started thinking about looking for other work. he says daniel's pushing this shit that if li falls apart it's cause of him (and me, i'm sure). i say hey, li's been spiraling since long before you ever started working here.
maybe it is finally time to just give up. i can't really get an accurate reading on things from here, but i have to say that the thought that it could all be over soon felt liberating. it's sad, despite all the junk i've been through, it's been a good three and a half years. it's like a family growing apart. but families do grow apart. and people get on with their lives. i was trying to remember the seven (or however many there are) stages of loss. i know acceptance is the last one. maybe it's been so long in coming that the others have already been dispensed with.
and nothing's even certain yet. this is all based on a twenty minute conversation with marc who had just spent a morning dealing with daniel in one of his moods.
then later, spaced ten minutes apart, i got pages from er!n and alex. my beeper was such a worthwhile investment. it really takes some of the distance off.
and then george and i went to try another vegetarian restaurant tonight. it's just a couple of blocks up and over from us. and it turned out to be pretty good. which is cool. and they've got vegan apple pie and chocolate cake and stuff.