magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

okay, i'm still feeling lousy, but i've got to write something. i saw a green new beetle the other day. i had to stop and touch it. i hit my head getting back in the van. is there a moral to the story? am i just a klutz?

i was s'posed to take that stupid test this morning. this was the third scheduled time. since i'm still sick, i called them about 8am and said hey, i'm sick, i can't take the test. and, as i knew they would, they said well, since you didn't give us 24hrs notice, yr going to have to pay a rescheduling fee. so i pointed out to them that the school has been closed since noon on wednesday (when i was last s'posed to take the test, btw) and so how could i have possibly given them 24hrs notice if i've only been sick since friday? and i also pointed out that when they called to tell me that i was going to have to reschedule 'til after the weekend, they didn't give me 24hrs notice. this is all such a fucking hassle. i hope it all ends up being worth it.

i feel so distant from all the stuff that i wanted to say back on friday. it doesn't even really seem terribly relevant any more. we'll see.

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i actually left the apartment for the first time since friday. i only went as far as the mailboxes, but. and i've been feeling hungry this evening, which is a good sign i guess. all i've eaten over the last couple of days is a couple pieces of toast and a few cups of miso soup. i don't think i'm quite well enough to actually eat anything much. but if i'm getting better, that's good.

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i got the following via email from alex the other day, just as i was starting to feel sick. i felt like it was worth putting up on my site:

oh... you showed up in a dream of mine the other day. i was living in a really nice little flat, and had just bought a powerbook, and then you came to visit and brought me another powerbook, but this one was like 2 feet wide and was made of stainless steel and had these really cool carvings/designs cut into the inside (on either side of the monitor/keyboard). but then i had to go back to the army, which i had apparently joined a couple of months back but then gone awol (which is a recurring theme in my dreams) and they were trying to find someone who looked just like me, so i took off my glasses and put on a cap and they didn't find me.. they grabbed someone else instead and put him in a truck and took him away (to be shot? dunno what they wanted him for, just knew it was something serious) and then i talked to the base commander or whatever and convinced him to let me out of the army. when i woke up i was convinced for about 10 minutes that it had all been real. scared me to death (the army part, not you).

i'm waiting on a dream from george (from the same day, actually) that i felt i had to just share with the world as well.

and while i'm in dream mode, a few of my own from thursday night: q (do you mind if i call you "q" on my website? i forgot to ask.) and i were in her room, and it was about four in the morning or something, and the doors of this closet at the foot of her bed (where there isn't actually a closet) opened kinda mechanically. they were the folding paper-fan-like kinda doors. i noticed some light coming from the back of the closet, and after a while a man and a woman stepped out. they were about 30, and i thought they were looking for some party, but it turns out they were the landlords and said that another person was going to have to move into the apartment. and then there were people sleeping in school desks in the corners of the room (which were very far away) and three rival gangs of girl scouts. then i fell asleep in the dream, and when i woke up, still inside the dream, q was planning a camping trip and asked if i wanted to come, and someone made a comment about all the men that she had in her life, and in the dream that really bothered me, although the fact that it did made me feel hypocritical. (i'll likely get into some of the real life implications of this over the next few days.)

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and as promised, george's dream:

It seemed like such a typical stocking day at the store, I was taking school supplies out of crates and putting them in their respective places. People were rushing about doing their nocturnal shopping too busy to notice me. Inane Christmas music was blaring out of the intercom speakers overhead. The music cut abruptly and for a moment there was wonderful, peaceful silence. The music started again and to my surprise it was no longer Christmas music but was Led Zeppelin. At least it was music I could tolerate for a little while. Something was different tho. Robert Plant was not singing in this particular song. This was Led Zeppelin note for note. It took me a few seconds to realize that singing in the place of Robert Plant was Frank Sinatra. At least its not a Perry Como sound-a-like crooning jingle bells for eight hours straight I said to myself. Anyway, I finished wish one crate and moved on to the another when I noticed that one crate had holes drilled in it and was marked in some language that I couldn't read. I opened the crate to find it full of cats. I thought for a second and wondered if we in fact sold cats. For some reason I thought we did and looked for the place on the aisle where they went. Apparently we stock cats between the plumbing supplies and the toys, so I set out to stock them. They were not at all cooperative. I would put one on the shelf and by they time I put the next on the shelf the others would move. This went on for a while. Eventually I was able to finish the job with a reasonable amount of satisfaction and moved on to the next crate which was full of monkeys. They were harder to stock cause they had no interest staying on their shelf. The monkeys wanted to play with the toys.