magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

gah. more big arguments with daniel today. we're both really on edge about things and i think more prone to blow up at each other than usual. here's prolly the most interesting quote from our most recent tiff (said by me, btw):

when i'm arguing, i tend to fling blame around like everyone else. and there are certainly factors that are my fault or yr fault or marc's fault. but i don't blame anyone for the way that things turn out. i don't need to find a scapegoat. things are the way they are. and maybe i can keep from repeating some of the more unpleasant patterns, but i can't change the way things are. blame is as pointless as regret.

and while i'm in quote mode, i can prolly find something worth sharing from er!n's last email. and that will prolly help improve my mood a little too. her letter was in response to my entry for monday. two quotes, one direct response and her postscript:

ok i confess i actually have used the label of boyfriend out loud kinda recently and possibly more than once / tho i do remember at least once adding the words 'sorta kinda' to the beginning of it / i'll admit it was kinda fun / and really it didn't bother me as much as i would have thought it to

yes. "kinda sorta" seems to be something of a mantra. maybe you've just gotta say it enough to get used to it. "my girlfriend, er!n." hrm. still a little odd feeling. just not a construction that i'm terribly used to.

i want to see you / but i'm trying so hard not to say something silly like come home / 'cause that would be assuming that this is your home / as much as i'd really like for it to be - really that's not my decision

[...fifteen minutes of sitting staring at the screen...]

the little town of sharon, connecticut, and to an extent all of southern new england, will always be my home. no matter where it is that my gypsy blood finds me. and (speaking second person to er!n now) the fact that it's fairly near the part of the world in which you are is an added draw. i would really like to see you too. i am in texas for another three months, at least. school is a pretty important facet of my life at the moment. (one of the things daniel and i argued about, to bring this back to the beginning.)