magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

i'm really stressed. and i almost never feel stressed. i feel the effects, the neck aches, and headaches, and trouble sleeping, and all of that, but usually not the stressed feeling itself. when i was a kid i used to procrastinate big school assignments, papers and projects, and get completely overwhelmed and just break down and cry and not know even where to begin. i kinda feel that way now. i haven't quite broken down yet though. and of course when i was a kid i used to get those papers and projects done. and i'd always end up with an a or a b on them. and eventually i stopped worrying. but i never stopped procrastinating. and now i'm less than four days from the deadline for my first final architectural design project (not to mention a day from my final drawing project) and i feel like i have nothing and i'm terribly overwhelmed and spent hours tonight not knowing where to jump in and work. i'd pick up a pen or pencil and sit down and open my sketchbook or pull out some trace, and i'd sit. and i'm going to get another night of 4.5 hours sleep and have some time before studio tomorrow. but basically be completely unprepared for my last interaction with my teacher before the final review.

and on one level i can't really take all this seriously.

and on one level i know that i'm going to get something done, and it will convey at least some of the wonderful ideas that i have inside and very much want to communicate.

and on one level i know that i can still come close to manifesting what i almost see when i close my eyes.