magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

it's been exactly two weeks since i left providence. in so many ways it feels like forever. but every long journey, of time or distance, leaves everything that came before it a little cloudy, unreal, dreamlike. to think that two weeks ago stef drove me to the airport, cried in my arms. that that was only two weeks ago. two weeks is so short. but it feels like a different life.

even rome is somehow unreal. and only one week ago. but i'm sure that as soon as i return this fortnight in umbria, in ponte calcara, will seem like a dream. the way my time in california did, my time in austin. which is actually a hopeful thought. this time in italy will soon only be a long night. a dream, at times frightening, at times full of wonder, but a dream none the less. and i will wake up with my love beside me. "i had the strangest dream. i missed you terribly."

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and within the dream were little dreams. last night was one of the first that i remember, for how horrible it was. i came home to my mom's house and there was a carabieri car in the drive. (it should have tipped me off, the italian police in connecticut, but it didn't.) the officer was sitting in the kitchen with my mom. the kitchen was the way it used to be, years ago. my mom was crying. "aaron's car broke down. he got out to fix it and was stuck by another car. he's dead." i snapped. i started throwing stuff off of the counters and on to the floor.

and i woke in the pitch black of an overcast umbrian pre-dawn. my heart slowed down. i breathed a few deep breaths. being here wasn't so bad.

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and it was another day out and not feeling quite so stranded. to assisi this time. didn't spend much time, or get to see a whole lot. the church or saint claire, and basilica of saint francis. his tomb beneath had the feel of a very holy place. more than any of the other churches or cathedrals i've been in here. even though it's awfuly far from my own religious beliefs i felt as if i had to sit down and reflect. pray, almost.

the world needs prayer right now. if for no other reason than promoting a sense of peace within the minds of those praying.