magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

i left studio at midnight last night. that was my predetermined cut-off time to wait for stef to get out of work. she had picked up someone else's monday shift and then switched into a later section. i figured that i should come in in the morning and work and if it got to be midnight i would just go home and get a good night's sleep.

she called minutes after i got home. 'i'm still at work. i'm getting out soon, but i think i'm just going to go home and type up the notes from my crit and then go to bed. go to studio tomorrow morning at nine. so we probably shouldn't hang out tonight. is that okay?'

'yeah. i left studio about twenty minutes ago. i just got home. i'll see you tomorrow.'

'i love you.'

'i love you too. goodnight.'

'goodnight.'

it was a much nicer conversation than the one we had earlier in the day. she called right before work to tell me that she would be working. she had told me the night before, but apparently didn't remember. i know she was probably stressed about having to run from class to work, but her tone seemed to imply that she was resentful about needing to call me at all, that the only reason was so that i wouldn't get upset if i couldn't get ahold of her later and found out she was at work and didn't tell me.

but as i said, the conversation after midnight was nicer. and although it was the third out of four nights that we haven't spent together, i was okay with it.

i woke up this morning, and standing in the shower it occurred to me that it's nice to wake up in your own bed sometimes. spread out diagonally with all the covers to yourself. but i was looking forward to seeing her when i got to studio. i stopped for coffee. walked to the beb. climbed all the stairs to the fourth floor. dropped my bag and my jacket at my desk. and made my way over to hers.

she had headphones on and didn't see me coming. she looked up startled when i was a few feet away. 'what do you want?'

'i just came to say hi.' she gave me a little perfunctory kiss. 'i missed you.'

'i'm in a lousy mood. just let me do this.' she put her headphones back on, turned away from me, and continued working.

and of course now i feel lousy, and can't focus on my own work.

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a little bit later she came over to my desk and wrapped her arms around me. put her head on my shoulder.

i just have to learn not to get too worked up over little things.