magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

[written november 9th, posted december 24th] i wish you were more affectionate. i wish it felt like i still turned you on. every time i try to kiss you, you pull away. and i'm not talking about the little pecks that you want to give me at the stop lights when we're out driving. i'm taking about kissing the way we used to. when we used to snuggle every night before rolling over and going to sleep. when you used to set the alarm clock half an hour earlier than we needed to, in case we had sex in the morning before getting up. yes, you take my hand when we're out walking, or in the grocery store. but friends hold hands, siblings, parents and children. i don't want that kind of easy familiarity. i want to be continually discovering new things about you, to be surprised every day by the depth of what is between us.