magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

i woke up paranoid that i hadn't set my alarm and had overslept. but of course it's saturday. i did my best to get back to sleep.

er!n called at nine-something. 'i figured that since you've been getting up early for work you'd be up.'

'no. since i tend to stay up until one or two on work nights and then get up at seven, i'm taking the opportunity to sleep in.'

got up about a few hours later. called chris about brunch. we decided to try kate's joint, a vegetarian diner in alphabet city that i found out about on moby's site when i googled for 'vegan brunch' and 'new york'.

after showering, shaving, getting dressed, i called chris again. 'how long will it take you to get there?' he asked.

'about half an hour, depending on how long i have to wait for the train.'

'could you give me about 45 minutes?'

'sure.' i read for a bit. then headed out. popped up out of the subway. headed to our pre-defined meeting spot. (we weren't sure exactly where the restaurant was, and without an internet connection at home i couldn't look it up before i left. yes, i know i could have just called 411.) i was right on time. checked my phone. one new message. called my voicemail.

it's chris. 'i was riding down broadway and my bike broke. so i have to go home and fix it. so i'm going to be a little later.'

i call back. 'how much later?'

'i don't know. half an hour?'

so i wandered around looking for the restaurant. found it. called him and gave him the address. went inside. sat down and ordered a cup of coffee while i waited.

the people at the table next to me finished and left. i read my book. a girl came in and sat at the now empty table next to me, waiting for her brunch companion. i read my book. her friend showed, with a new tattoo, 'fortunata' in cursive on the inside of her left forearm. chris, missing from the seat across from me, the seat next to this girl, has 'nunchucks' tattooed on cursive on his inner right forearm.

i read my book. eavesdropped some. the girl next to me was cute. she was complaining about her boyfriend. i was maybe crushing on her a little bit. my in to their conversation was the tattoos, but chris still hadn't shown. they talked about seeing, or mis-seeing, famous people. i read my book.

the cute girl next to me was planning on seeing lost in translation this afternoon. by herself.

they finished. they left. eventually chris arrived. i do have to point out that he called with updates. he was having trouble fixing his bike. i think he wanted to suggest that i just order for myself and we could do this another time. i told him i'd wait. i'd read my book and get hyped up on coffee.

while chris and i were eating moby came in.

we finished. i had another cup of coffee. and then off our separate ways. chris to run some errands, and me to the office, where the internet was presumably working.

---

at the office i looked up showtimes for lost in translation. the theatre closest to kate's, and hence where the girl from brunch was most likely to go to, was also the theatre most convenient for me to get home from, and so i went. i had wanted to see the movie since i was in austin, but had never gotten around to it.

i didn't see her leaving the theatre when i was waiting to go in. once inside it occurred to me that maybe she hadn't gone right to the movies after brunch and would be at this showing. and that made me feel a little like a stalker, although since it wasn't intentional i guess i shouldn't have.

the movie was good. maybe not all it was hyped to be though. (i felt the same way about sofia coppola's last movie, the virgin suicides.) it was beautifully shot. and beautifully acted. but i thought something was missing. but maybe it was me. my own frame of mind.

i took the train home. i cried intermittently. and made phone calls.

laura. allison. chris.

i turned the tv on. flipped through the channels. 'this feels like a woody allen movie,' i thought to myself. and it was. the purple rose of cairo.

and afterwards, another call to chris. he said he'd meet me at the party in chinatown. and so it was back into manhattan. and lost off the subway stop, but by dumb luck i waked right to where i wanted to be. fourth floor. five bucks. found allison.

'you got here at just the right time,' she said. 'it was empty fifteen minutes ago when we arrived. and now it's filling up. and in half an hour it will be packed.'

there were other risd kids there, but no one i know all that well. i was introduced to some kids who are grad students (?) at sva. jason. brooke. adam. and i spent most of the night with them. (chris decided not to show.)

allison and most of the risd kids left around two. i stayed and danced my little heart out. eventually heading out with the sva kids. they were going back to their place to continue drinking and asked if i wanted to come along. 'sounds good to me,' i said, not entirely without crushing on brooke. although she was talking about a croation boy that she was supposed to hook up with tonight, but who left her voicemail saying that he was tired and would call her another night.

back at their place we drank champagne and smoked cigarettes. they talked about movies, drugs, and casual sex. they're living the college life that i never had. they could definitely be a bad influence on me. but it is a lifestyle that certain parts of me find attractive. it is the lifestyle that stef lived before me. (and may be living again now.) plus, brooke is damn cute.

james left. adam headed to bed. another friend of their's, a drama student who ran into us as we left the party in chinatown, was going to spend the night. 'you can stay too,' they told me. 'there's no reason to go all the way back to brooklyn.' their roommate cat wasn't around. 'you can stay in cat's room.'

i kind of wanted to curl up with brooke. and there were signs that maybe she was hinting at the same thing. but i'm no good at reading those sorts of signs. i second guessed myself until i fell asleep.