magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

Ides of March.

I'm going to give this another try (with capitalization). Bear with me.

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All sorts of stupid little things kept catching in my mind all day. I think it all started on Saturday, with My Architect. A trip to India. Architecture in general, and office relationships. Ikea on Sunday. And today, doing image research for John McEnroe's new talk show. Stumbling across the Austin skyline. I don't even remember what else, but it seemed like every new page of Google's image search cycled her back into my mind.

Last week was better in a lot of ways. Maybe it was all those lost hours. I doubt that I'm living a double life, but sometimes the brain just steps back, as a way of coping. Maybe it was the fact that Chris, my most accessible friend in New York, took the week off from work, and was that much more accessible. Maybe it was the first stages of an acceptance of moving on. And maybe this is just a natural backlash.

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This morning, I was late leaving the house, the train was packed, no time for a bagel. I bought a cappuccino and a tube of moisturizer (for the tattoo) at the Bread and Circus in Chelsea.

When the workday ended I didn't want to leave. I knew that I'd simply end up going home and compounding the fact that I felt miserable with the inability to amuse myself and the consequent emptiness of being alone.

I made phone calls. Sonali, Allison.M. Voicemails aborted by weird screeching of my phone. Paolo was the only person who I actually managed to get in touch with. We talked for a while. Then downtown for dinner. And then finally, home.

I found George on AIM, feeling pretty much the same sorts of things.