magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

I know that it's a cliche sentiment, but sometimes it really is apparent that we're all basically alone. I'm on the train again, in that bubble of pseudoreality, reading Musil, listening to Thursday (it's probably not 'cool' to say that I like them, but I do), feeling that at any moment I could dissolve into the patina of the world. That life is primarily this act of dissolution. That art, hell, even love, is just an expression of it, a getting in touch with it. How very Buddhist of me. At times like this I feel like going into work tomorrow is a little superfluous. I feel like eating and sleeping are a little superfluous.

This may be oversimplifying things somewhat.

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Before: lunch with the family. My cousin Lydia had a vegan friend from school visiting, so there was actually a fair amount of vegan food made. These family gathering are starting to make me feel a little old though. All but one of the youngest member of my generation are now, at least legally, adults.

After: the realization that I had left my keys in the pocket of the ten year old jeans that I put on while I washed my new pair. My work keys. My home keys. And the feeling of being locked out made me realize how much of an asshole I've been for not trying harder to get another set of keys. (Dan has been pretty much keyless since I moved in.) I hung out at Paolo's until Rob got in and called me.