magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

Peggy called today and left me a message (I was watching a DVD with headphones on) asking if I wanted to go with her to an opening in Chelsea for a video work by DJ Spooky. I called back and left a message for her saying, basically, 'Thanks, but I haven't been sleeping well, worrying about my job I think, and I'm feeling really out of it.' I think that I rambled and was less coherent than that. Lending credence to the thought, I guess. But I felt like a loser for not just going.

It certainly was true that I'm feeling out of it, and it was overcast, which only compounded the mood. I did end up going out for a walk, getting lost along the border between Brooklyn and Queens, smoking the last of my cigarettes. And wanting very badly for it to rain. Wanting to break down crying in the rain on some dirty industrial street in New York City.