magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

I'm all stuffed up and miserable. I overheard myself saying out loud, 'I hate my life. I'm such a fucking loser.' The words just sort of tumbled out of my mouth I guess. And I don't really mean them, and I certainly don't mean to post them here to garner anyone's pity. But my head feels like it's full of sand and my nose has been running all day and my throat and eyes are all scratchy. And I'm fucking lonely. The house is empty: Rob's gone for the weekend, Marie's gone for a week, Dan's back in NYC from a week away but is home in Queens. I haven't talked to Chris at all today, and as for anyone else, it's not like I'm ever good about calling people to hang out, but right now I figure anyone who hasn't already been exposed to my possible cold germs (it could just be awful allergies) is better off.

So I've kind of napped on and off today. Watched a DVD. Turned the TV on briefly, and then back off. Eaten pasta and miso soup. And saltines. And mega-dosed on fizzy vitamin C. Listened to a few songs on SongFight, but didn't feel with-it enough to review them. Browsed MySpace some more, and actually received a flurry of messages within a five or ten minute block this evening, no idea why, but not anyone asking me out, just people from out of town talking about schools or hair cuts or modern artists.

I got up and paced for a bit, and, aside from the knot in the back of my skull and the shooting pains in my chest, I actually feel a little better.