magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

I actually slept fairly well last night. Which in comparison to how I have been sleeping is not really saying a whole lot, but I'm going to hope it's a good sign. Getting was still difficult though. I think that the lack of direct sunlight to my bedroom is a big part of that. And so there was a period of half-asleepness and weird dreams. Which fed right into the email waiting for me from Marisa:

. look what i found .

Of course I had forgotten them by the then.

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I'm definitely feeling that I'm an under-utilized resource at work. There are the freelancers like John and Caitlin who are there every day, and always overwhelmed with work. And there are those like Greg and Alex who are there most days, but really only when they know that they will have projects to fill them. I'm sure that all of them get paid more than I do. (Which is fair, they've all been at PDG, and in the industry in general, longer.)

I guess I just wish that my standing was a little more solid. I'm incredibly talented, and relatively cheap, so if people are swamped with work why are there points when none of it is being delegated to me? Why are there days when I'm in the office from 9-6 and am only able to bill for about half of those hours? Why is my phone still in Geoff's name, even though he hasn't worked at PDG in about four months?

I know I should be glad that I'm working at all. That I can afford to stay on top of my bills. That I'm getting by in the big city. I'm not really complaining, only dreaming about how it could be better.

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In other news, it's the last day of summer, and that means that it's Aaron's birthday. My 'little' brother is 27. Which is older than all but a handful of my friends. Despite being only two years apart, we were never particularly close growing up. But we talked for about an hour tonight, for the third day this week.