magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

bean is not actually from antarctica. his heart is covered in paisleys.

he makes tiny little pictures and sometimes writes about his life.

Poisoned!

29 March 2005

[  ]

Two or three times, after eating a bagel with tofu cream cheese, I've gotten sick, as if it were not entirely dairy-free and my digestive system, as unused to processing dairy after nearly a decade of being vegan, just sort of short circuits. I got a bagel with scallion tofu on the way into work this morning and spent the afternoon with my stomach tied in knots. It was definitely tofu cream cheese, the consistency is a dead giveaway. And I had eaten a bagel from the same shop just last week and was fine, so it's not likely that their tofu cream cheese recipe includes real cream cheese. But maybe they mix the scallions in in the same mixer that they use for regular cream cheese and they didn't clean it out between mixes. It seems that they would be opening themselves up to all sorts of troubles that way, and I'm not sure that that trace amount of dairy would actually make me sick. But there you have it.

Before getting physically ill, I was emotionally stressed and upset. I hadn't had a billable hour in the last 20 or so that I had been sitting at my desk (all day Friday, all day Monday, half of today) and the first thing that I'm asked to do is scan photos of samples out of architectural product catalogues. Meanwhile I overhear talk about how Mike and John are both out of town so the only member of the 'graphics department' who is here is Chloe and she's swamped because she's leaving the company at the end of the week and so how are these graphics projects that need to be finished going to get done. I still don't understand how I'm not considered part of the graphics group here. What is it that people think I do?

I'm not one of the architects. I'm not one of the draftspeople. I'm not a 3D renderer. Or Photoshop colourist. I do all these things, but am somehow outside of the structure for being chosen to specifically do any of these things, except as a fall-back choice when no one else is available.

I am listed on the company-wide phone list as a 'freelance artist' the only person so designated. And I did get pulled into a project this afternoon for which I got to actually draw with a pencil, although I'm not thought of as part of that group either. It was nice though, and on the same project I also got to design a logo (an archetypal act of graphic design), and do Photoshop work.

And so I managed to rack up some billable hours, and have some fun. That's what makes the sitting around and not getting paid worth it in the long run, although I do get a little bit more burnt out every time. 'I'm seriously thinking about quitting this company entirely,' I had said earlier in the day.


After work, to pick up paint for my bedroom, although my stomach was still unhappy, and I didn't feel up to actually putting any of that paint on my walls.