magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

There was a show tonight that I was vaguely interested in going to. Gold Streets, who I had seen about six months ago on a random night out and liked. And at least one of the other bands on the bill sounded like they might appeal to me as well. But I didn't really feel like going by myself, and I don't really feel enough of a comfortable familiarity with too many people who I could simply call up and say 'Hey, what are you up to tonight? Want to go see a show?'

And this has been hashed and rehashed, but I still don't know why it's such a problem for me. It's simple to say that I'm shy, or introverted, or somewhat socially awkward. But I feel like that's just an excuse and not any sort of answer. I know, logically, that no one is going to hate me for calling them out of the blue and asking what they're up to. That's normal. That's what friends do. But something in my chokes up when confronted with that completely normal, every day situation.

So I didn't go to the show. And another three months has gone by, and after two unanswered phone calls (when her phone was almost certainly broken) I haven't made any more attempts to get in touch with Marisa. Which only served to drive the whole point home as I later sat on my roof with a bottle of beer, phone in hand, but unused.