magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

i didn't sleep all that well last night. due in large part to nervous energy, i'm sure. that of my impending move and of having a guest (q spent the night here). i did feel like a kinda lousy host. any guests have to sleep on the floor (as there are no beds in the apartment, and the couch is kinda short), and there wasn't really anything to eat for breakfast. george did go out to buy some vegan toaster waffles, but i drove q down to the ut campus before he got back.

i spent the majority of the day packing. i think that i have too much stuff. but a lot of it is stuff that i'm sure i'd miss if i didn't have.

i left briefly to buy some long car trip sorts of food. when i got back there was a message from er!n. she didn't leave her phone number on the machine, and it took me a while to hunt it down, but i found it eventually. it was really nice to talk to her, but i'm not sure if it alleviated the distance that i've been feeling between us any.

she said that when i get home, after i've visited with my buddies, and hung out with my family, i should come and see her before i start school. have we really drifted so far that she doesn't realize that i want to see her as soon as i get back to new england?

then back to packing. a brief tv interlude. then q called. i'm a poor phone conversationalist in the best of situations, and trying to say goodbye over the phone was terribly awkward. so i decided i'd drive down and say goodbye in person.

it started pouring rain just before i left. with lightning and thunder. i love rain. when i got to q's i played in the rain a bit. then went inside. then played in the rain some more. the steps between her parking lot and her building were like a waterfall. have i mentioned how much i love rain? rain's cooler than sniff.

q was making lentil soup, which she shared with me. so we were sitting across the table from each other, and she said "so, any last words?" and i was being my quiet self. i said that the boundaries of her patience were probably more narrow than my propensity for silence. i quoted a poem that i started writing when er!n and i were getting to know each other: "i am not trying to be difficult / when i do not speak to you."

and then i did have some words, although of the sort that i needed to write down, in third person. i wrote them, and then passed the paper across to q. final words, i said. (those words can be found in the bottom section of the words page.)

she walked me out to my car, and i drove back to my apartment, the rain having let up. where i returned to my packing.