Untitled.
18 June 1998
![[ ]](http://mbpix.mushroom.net/19980618y.png)
so this morning i dreamt i was driving a convertible (not mine though) aimlessly around back roads. seemed kinda like upstate ny, but i ended up at brown university. or at least in my dream it was.
then i was sitting here, at my desk at li, and this girl came in to apply for a job. daniel had apparently just left to go to staples, but someone found these applications that he had made up. the first page seemed straightforward enough, but the questions on the second page got a little odd. then this girl and i were sitting near a fountain in front of a big college-like building, orange brick, and she's still filling out the application, and i go tap on the building and it kinda flickers with an electric energy, like its a holographic projection from star trek, but all the other people don't notice. and then by force of will, i make the real version of the building appear around the corner, and sit back down. and she's stuck on the question that's looking for some sort of response to a poem (it's too bad i can never remember poems from my dreams, 'cause they're often pretty good) that was attributed to robert frost. and then ernie shows up and is running around really hyper and punching me and stuff, but in a kinda playful way.
i started writing this yesterday, but it was late, and i wasn't really feeling it anymore, and so i gave up. i'll try to continue on with and see if i can get back to where i was going with it...
i've been feeling a little off-kilter for the last couple of days. it's as if my own frequency is just slightly different from that of the rest of the world. rather than cite numerous and pointless examples, i'll just reproduce a tarot reading from [yesterday] morning.
malkut (kingdom): prince of wands
the basis and final outcome. putting energy into new directions. inspiration. risk taking. moving to see, studying architecture, writing poetry.
yesod (foundation): five of disks
the environment. worry. traditionally two beaten and homeless men outside a magnificent church. a loss of fortune. hard times. i can see myself living in a tent in a field in texas. heh.
hod (reverberation): prince of disks (inverted)
my physical/mental state. committing to security. firm beginnings. being inverted, it implies the negative aspects thereof, a block, or a total disregard for this. i've never been too worried about money. when i moved to california, i ran out of it and had to come back. there is some block that texas will be the same way.
nezah (eternity): knight of wands (inverted)
physical/mental activity. creative. expressive. self-reliant. acts on flashes of inspiration. when inverted, he doesn't, or they lead him astray. another block. i haven't been able to express my creativity as well as i would like. i've always looked for one key that will unlock this, falling in love, moving and starting from scratch.
tiferet (beauty): xiii death
the heart of the matter at hand. death and rebirth. the end of old cycles and the beginnings of new ones. letting go. moving on. accepting loss.
gevurah (judgment): four of swords
my emotional state, challenges. truce. sometimes retreat. taking a break to reevaluate one's options. i've been, on the whole, rather devoid of sweeping emotions for a few years now. certainly i fall into short bouts of nostalgia, and am happy at times. but mostly it's been a retreat from my feelings.
hesed (mercy): ace of disks (inverted)
emotional activity, gifts. new opportunities in business, material affairs. inverted, they are hard to find, require more work, more effort. i've been complacent in my job. i don't want a real job. the freedom that this job affords, is at the same time a gift and a curse.
binah (understanding): ace of cups (inverted)
passive, receptive intellect. new relationships. beginnings of love or close friendships. again, inverted. because of blocks years old, i am not really open to new relationships.
hokmah (wisdom): prince of cups (inverted)
active intellect, inspiration. following one's dreams and ideals. inverted, he gets caught up in them. or does not have the courage to carry them out. i do have the dreams. i just need to get beyond my fears and act.
keter (crown): two of disks
highest ideal. change. peace. movement to an inner calm in spite of the chaos of the world.
and daat (knowledge): v the hierophant
hidden knowledge. divine wisdom and inspiration. sometimes the pope or high priest, he represents the manifestation of the word of something greater.
both external pillars are completely inverted except for the four of swords. this seems a fitting manifestation of the out-of-sync-ness that i feel. the two of disks in keter is like, as that car commercial says, a bit of security in an insecure world, that's what would alleviate this feeling, a bubble of calm, so to speak.
the time frames involved in this, an inexact science at best, are almost the same as the last reading i did. yesod, the beginnings, is in 21-30 april. two months previous. gevurah, challenges, is in 13-22 october. and keter, the idealized outcome, is in 22-30 december.
there are only two major arcana cards present, death and the hierophant, that both represent paths on my journey. death is the first step, leading me to the three princes, inspiration and the inverted security and dreams. from there the correct path follows the influence of the hermit (ix), who is not present, to the four of swords, and a truce, a calm before the storm, so to speak. the incorrect path, influenced by strength or justice (xii and xi or vice-versa), leads to the five of disks and worry. from there, the hidden influence of the hierophant leads to the two of disks, and at this point the possible righting of the knight of wands. the influence of the emperor (iv) is also felt at this step. and the final step is taking in the role of the fool (0), to overcome the blocks represented by the two inverted aces, inspiration and love.
then i was sitting here, at my desk at li, and this girl came in to apply for a job. daniel had apparently just left to go to staples, but someone found these applications that he had made up. the first page seemed straightforward enough, but the questions on the second page got a little odd. then this girl and i were sitting near a fountain in front of a big college-like building, orange brick, and she's still filling out the application, and i go tap on the building and it kinda flickers with an electric energy, like its a holographic projection from star trek, but all the other people don't notice. and then by force of will, i make the real version of the building appear around the corner, and sit back down. and she's stuck on the question that's looking for some sort of response to a poem (it's too bad i can never remember poems from my dreams, 'cause they're often pretty good) that was attributed to robert frost. and then ernie shows up and is running around really hyper and punching me and stuff, but in a kinda playful way.
i started writing this yesterday, but it was late, and i wasn't really feeling it anymore, and so i gave up. i'll try to continue on with and see if i can get back to where i was going with it...
i've been feeling a little off-kilter for the last couple of days. it's as if my own frequency is just slightly different from that of the rest of the world. rather than cite numerous and pointless examples, i'll just reproduce a tarot reading from [yesterday] morning.
malkut (kingdom): prince of wands
the basis and final outcome. putting energy into new directions. inspiration. risk taking. moving to see, studying architecture, writing poetry.
yesod (foundation): five of disks
the environment. worry. traditionally two beaten and homeless men outside a magnificent church. a loss of fortune. hard times. i can see myself living in a tent in a field in texas. heh.
hod (reverberation): prince of disks (inverted)
my physical/mental state. committing to security. firm beginnings. being inverted, it implies the negative aspects thereof, a block, or a total disregard for this. i've never been too worried about money. when i moved to california, i ran out of it and had to come back. there is some block that texas will be the same way.
nezah (eternity): knight of wands (inverted)
physical/mental activity. creative. expressive. self-reliant. acts on flashes of inspiration. when inverted, he doesn't, or they lead him astray. another block. i haven't been able to express my creativity as well as i would like. i've always looked for one key that will unlock this, falling in love, moving and starting from scratch.
tiferet (beauty): xiii death
the heart of the matter at hand. death and rebirth. the end of old cycles and the beginnings of new ones. letting go. moving on. accepting loss.
gevurah (judgment): four of swords
my emotional state, challenges. truce. sometimes retreat. taking a break to reevaluate one's options. i've been, on the whole, rather devoid of sweeping emotions for a few years now. certainly i fall into short bouts of nostalgia, and am happy at times. but mostly it's been a retreat from my feelings.
hesed (mercy): ace of disks (inverted)
emotional activity, gifts. new opportunities in business, material affairs. inverted, they are hard to find, require more work, more effort. i've been complacent in my job. i don't want a real job. the freedom that this job affords, is at the same time a gift and a curse.
binah (understanding): ace of cups (inverted)
passive, receptive intellect. new relationships. beginnings of love or close friendships. again, inverted. because of blocks years old, i am not really open to new relationships.
hokmah (wisdom): prince of cups (inverted)
active intellect, inspiration. following one's dreams and ideals. inverted, he gets caught up in them. or does not have the courage to carry them out. i do have the dreams. i just need to get beyond my fears and act.
keter (crown): two of disks
highest ideal. change. peace. movement to an inner calm in spite of the chaos of the world.
and daat (knowledge): v the hierophant
hidden knowledge. divine wisdom and inspiration. sometimes the pope or high priest, he represents the manifestation of the word of something greater.
both external pillars are completely inverted except for the four of swords. this seems a fitting manifestation of the out-of-sync-ness that i feel. the two of disks in keter is like, as that car commercial says, a bit of security in an insecure world, that's what would alleviate this feeling, a bubble of calm, so to speak.
the time frames involved in this, an inexact science at best, are almost the same as the last reading i did. yesod, the beginnings, is in 21-30 april. two months previous. gevurah, challenges, is in 13-22 october. and keter, the idealized outcome, is in 22-30 december.
there are only two major arcana cards present, death and the hierophant, that both represent paths on my journey. death is the first step, leading me to the three princes, inspiration and the inverted security and dreams. from there the correct path follows the influence of the hermit (ix), who is not present, to the four of swords, and a truce, a calm before the storm, so to speak. the incorrect path, influenced by strength or justice (xii and xi or vice-versa), leads to the five of disks and worry. from there, the hidden influence of the hierophant leads to the two of disks, and at this point the possible righting of the knight of wands. the influence of the emperor (iv) is also felt at this step. and the final step is taking in the role of the fool (0), to overcome the blocks represented by the two inverted aces, inspiration and love.