Untitled.
16 September 1998
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lying in bed last night, i realized that some of this stems from the fact that i tend to project facets of myself onto my closest friends. i see them all as intelligent, interesting, somewhat insane people, which i think is pretty much true. but i also find myself expecting that they have the same views as i do on things like love and sex and intimacy, which they don't, and when i come across something that in some way challenges my preconceived notions, it sorta throws me.
about 3am i rolled over and woke up completely out of deep rem sleep, and opened my eyes at the exact moment that there was a flash of lightning. you'd think that would mean something, but i haven't figured out what.
and this morning, and i've noticed this in the mornings before, i felt completely comfortable with being alone. to the point where i couldn't even see myself in any kind of relationship. i read somewhere once that the morning was s'posed to be a high point of testosterone during the day. these seem like the opposite sort of feelings than that should cause. go fig.
you know what i just realized? if i effectively own property at see, i'll be expected to use that as equity in securing a college loan. or worse, they'll see assets and assume i don't need the financial aid in the first place. if i do in fact attend ut austin, which is the idea at the moment, that won't really be a factor. i think that with better saving, i could afford to pay tuition out of my income. but, i still haven't heard back about the email that i sent them, and don't know if studying there is even going to be feasible. of course if it isn't i have to decide whether there is enough else to keep me at see.
about 3am i rolled over and woke up completely out of deep rem sleep, and opened my eyes at the exact moment that there was a flash of lightning. you'd think that would mean something, but i haven't figured out what.
and this morning, and i've noticed this in the mornings before, i felt completely comfortable with being alone. to the point where i couldn't even see myself in any kind of relationship. i read somewhere once that the morning was s'posed to be a high point of testosterone during the day. these seem like the opposite sort of feelings than that should cause. go fig.
you know what i just realized? if i effectively own property at see, i'll be expected to use that as equity in securing a college loan. or worse, they'll see assets and assume i don't need the financial aid in the first place. if i do in fact attend ut austin, which is the idea at the moment, that won't really be a factor. i think that with better saving, i could afford to pay tuition out of my income. but, i still haven't heard back about the email that i sent them, and don't know if studying there is even going to be feasible. of course if it isn't i have to decide whether there is enough else to keep me at see.