magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

1218a winchester, pa

driving this evening, it occurred to me that i haven't completely processed the fact that i'm not going to get to see er!n this weekend or the next or for quite a while. although she did page me tonight.

it had been cloudy all day, but as we were leaving it cleared up a little and there was a very beautiful sunset. the last new england fall-colours sunset that i'll see for at least this year anyway. a couple of hours into driving i got this overwhelming urge (well, not overwhelming, because i didn't act on it) to just turn around and go home. but i've also had some positive thoughts about the future.

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912a winchester, pa

stayed in a super 8 last night. it was abut 40 degrees outside, a bit cold to sleep in our cars. i didn't sleep all that well, but i never do in a bed that isn't mine. that's gonna be weird for a while.

i dreamt about a whole bunch of things. there was this display wall that figured prominently throughout. at first i was hanging some stuff on it, and my mom and sam were there, and my mom didn't want me to hang some of the stuff.

later there was a display of er!n's which i didn't get to see. and then she was looking at some old photos of mine from nmh and i thought it wasn't fair 'cause hadn't seen her display.

there was this bit about cats sneaking into the house through a hole in the wall. and then another bit where er!n had a younger sister who was flirting with me.

then i wanted to go back to the display 'cause (now?) it was computer-controlled and i could call up old displays. but the whole thing was turned off. and there were lots of nmh people around. i was talking to scott bolman and he said that warren was around, and sure enough warren came around the corner.

when i finally got back to the display it was in my room at home. i called up er!n's display and allison had one in the system too. after all that dream effort, i don't remember them now.

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941p (cst) near pomona, tn

i spent the better part of this morning thinking about my future as a rockstar. heh. and then got the first part of erin's page from last night (she sent it in four parts 'cause there's a character limitation per page, and i got 2-4 as she sent them, but must have been out of range for the first). on my pager it looks like:

52:||haveitoldyouh
owmuchiloveyouinth
elastthreeminutes?

then i spent a good amount of time thinking about neat houses i could build.

about 24hrs from yesterday's bout of wanting to turn back, i felt it again, but now that i'm basically too far to turn back it sorta turned into a bit of a panic attack. i started working out this fantasy in which i stopped in nashville, rented a storage unit, drove my van into it, and bought a bus ticket for home. i found a public radio station (on 90.3, the same frequency as the one i listen to at home) and that helped some.

we're sleeping in our cars tonight. with george in his teeny little metro and me squeezed in with all the stuff in my van, it's kinda amusing.