magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

i got some work done this weekend. but not as much as i should've. and i recognize that, at least in part, it was somewhat subconsciously intentional so that next week would be even more stressful. and i can think of a number of possible reasons for this. maybe just 'cause of some unhealthy masochistic desire, stress for its own sake. maybe it's because the last time that i can remember actually enjoying myself at work was when we lost our t1 and i worked round the clock for the better part of a week to get things back up and running. yes, that was physically and emotionally draining, but in some way also kinda fulfilling. and i tend to pull off the impossible at the last minute. or maybe, it's out of some desire to let things get so out of control that i won't be able to overcome them. self-inflicted failure.