magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

first off, i guess i should recognize that it's the solstice. but i'll get back to that later.

i haven't been able to respond to any personal email the last couple of days. i wasn't really sure why, but i think i might have come closer to the reason this morning. i had this image last night of turning my computer off, turning my pager off, not answering my phone and just being completely inaccessible. this morning i put that together with the not answering of email and realized that on an irrational level i feel that if i don't participate in the world around me for a while, nothing will happen. then when i feel like jumping back into it, things will be as they were and i can just pick up where i left off.

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so, it's now officially winter. i stepped outside earlier and it was really windy and there were leaves blowing around. it felt like fall. rather appropriate, as i've felt very much outside of time since i've been here. but it is the solstice, and i feel that calls for something. i just have no idea what. and as the day is slipping away, it's looking more and more likely that that something will have no choice but to be postponed. or alternately, i could just try to make as little sense as possible.

happy winter, everyone. happy longer days. happy magical snowflakes. best wishes in whatever you choose to celebrate this time of year.