magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

too much going on. my mom can't find the drawings that i did in my drawing one class, so i figured i should try to drum up a few more slides for my risd app. i had to finish off the roll of film that was in my camera, so i have ten or twelve shots of a dry lakebed and airplants hanging to branches and stuff. and then i had to take a whole roll of slide film and the only thing that i really had to photograph is my half-finished oil painting. so i did a bunch of that with different f-stops, and in different light. and then a bunch of the sketch that i did for the painting. and some of rocks. and i dropped the film off on my way home from class and should be able to pick it up first thing tomorrow morning.

'course i still have to do the three drawings and write my "statement of purpose" thingy. although i started on the latter before my philosophy class this evening. although let me back up a few steps. after painting this morning, i came home and was doing some work, and put on an ida cd. i don't know if i'll ever be able to express just how fucking cool ida are. listening to them stimulates the same parts of my brain as falling in love. that's so amazing. and so i brought a couple cds and listened in my car on the way to class.

then my philosophy of religion class. it's really kinda helpful in clarifying some of my own religious beliefs. so my mind was really being seriously engaged. and then daniel pages me to say he's online if i want to talk about some work stuff. and i figure it can wait. fifteen minutes later he pages again that there's some emergency. and then five minutes later. and then marc pages to say daniel wants to talk. i mean i wear the beeper so that people can get in touch with me if. but one or two pages is enough. if i don't get right online, it's prolly 'cause i can't.

so i drive home. some more ida. and log on. talk with daniel, then he tried to get a chat thing going with marc. the colours are all messed up so that i can't read what daniel says whenever marc speaks. so we try to fix it. daniel gets pissy. marc disappears. daniel gets even pissier. marc gets back online, says the aim chat thing crashed his computer, is there another option. i suggest fruit. teach him how to log on. how to speak. meanwhile daniel says you guys don't seem to care, seeya.

and so i've still gotta get these drawings done. and sent out overnight. thursday at the latest. and worry about work now. and i promised er!n a big long email last week, and haven't gotten to that yet. once the app is out of the way..

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so daniel logs back on after marc has left. i can tell he's a little upset, but he just takes something i said completely the wrong way and goes off. and i manage to calm him down for like two minutes, and then he completely starts acting like a six year old. he asks me "understand why I am sick of this shit?" like five times in a row before i even have a chance to say anything. and really, that's a pretty rhetorical sounding question. and then he just keeps cutting and pasting it. and at this point i don't want to answer him. and so finally i do, and he's so caught up in his little moment of hostility that he logs off.

so i call him. he hangs up on me. i call back and he doesn't pick up the phone. i kinda vent on his machine for a moment. i sorta regret that. i should be better at keeping my cool. and then some terse email from him, and i try to respond as rationally as my mindset allows.

i really hate arguing. i hate being in the kinda mood that arguments put me in. it's just such a waste.