magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

should have written this about 430 this afternoon when i was hit from out of the blue with an incredibly good mood. which is not to say that i'm in a bad mood now. just that my eyes are a little heavy and i'm not sure i've ever tried to write anything when kinda manic.

felt again a little better physically today. participated in performance class. and i'm really glad i ended up with this class. the final class size has shrunk to nine people because a number of people in the class were more interested in the installation aspect than the performance aspect and so switched out. but i'm really enjoying it.

i performed the study that i didn't do yesterday, "i'm taller than you are." i had no idea if it would work. i only told the class that i'd be performing in the emergency exit stairwell. i sat facing into a corner at the top, writing "i'm taller than you are" over and over in a notebook. the class came in at the bottom, wondered where i was, when i'd start. this went on for a while. eventually my writing began deteriorating, i was (in character) upset that there was no one to see that i was taller (being at the top of the stairs), and also hoped that by writing louder, they'd eventually hear me and find their way up. it must have been at least five minutes. maybe ten, i lost track of time completely. eventually people started venturing up the stairs. i couldn't see them, but as i heard them approach and eventually reach my level, rendering me no longer taller, i felt myself contracting into a tighter and tighter ball. still trying to write, but my range of movement got smaller and smaller until i couldn't hold the pen anymore and then couldn't move. i think i tensed every muscle in my body. i had had no idea how i was going to end it going in. it worked for me at least, i got a transformative experience out of it.

after class i came home and played guitar. i've been working on a little melody in 3/4 time, and started playing that, then improvising, and for the first time ever i think i was able to actually stay in 3/4 time. i usually just naturally find myself reverting into 4/4. and that's about when i started feeling manic. i wanted to still be performing.