magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

so last night sonali says to me that she's not worth getting my emotions all fucked up over. and i've been thinking about that on and off today. and maybe it's a waste of effort. but emotions aren't something you can just switch off because they're inconvenient. and as far as worth goes...

i'm not sure i can think of anyone more worthy of getting my emotions all fucked up over. certainly not jen (currently i'm not even interested, but i'm sure i'll flip-flop back and forth a few more times before that's all over with). no one else that i know currently.

we were sitting together in my room tonight, and i was thinking that it was really nice not being alone. as far as a physical presence, she could have been anyone. as far as having my arms around someone i'm attracted to, she could have been any of a smaller number of people. but there's not many people who can make my heart beat all messed up.

and it's not that i want a relationship with her. the whole long distance thing for one, and even if that weren't an issue, i'm not sure it would even come close to working out. but i love her tons and tons. and i feel like there's a romantic comedy in all of this somewhere (preferably more from a shakespearean angle than a late twentieth century hollywood angle). the whole everyone gets together with the wrong people because they don't see that what they're really looking for is in the person who's been there all the time sort of thing.

at least i'm not seeing everything as romantic tragedy anymore.