magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

i had an eye exam today. i figured that it's been two and a half years, things are looking at bit fuzzy at distances, i probably should get a new prescription. so between my library shift and my afternoon classes, i had scheduled an appointment with one of the offices recommended by risd.

in the library this morning, and on the walk out to eye clinic i was thinking about my recent sense that i wouldn't really be capable of having any sort of successful long term relationship. i think that more to the point is that as i've gotten older it seems the possibility of having the sort of playful relationship that i really want is scarcer and scarcer. adults want to be grown ups. they don't want to act like kids. even the ones that say they do want to act like kids are still too grown up, in a way. its hard to avoid. sometimes i worry that maybe i'm too grown up. that i've already missed out on the point in my life where i could have had whatever it is that i'm looking for. but deep down inside i don't feel that way. maybe it's a fae thing.

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i'm always a little suspicious of eye exams. they flip those little lenses, and ask which is clearer, one or two? one or two? how about now, one or two? and it just seems like you could have made a wrong turn at any one of those points, and you are going to pay for it with yr vision for the next couple of years. if you went and saw three different doctors, would they all come up with the same prescription?

and then the walk all the way from the far east side to the beb, in the bright midday sun, with my pupils all dilated, was something of an experience. i had to keep my eyes shut most of the time. occasionally opening them for a split second to make sure i wasn't about to walk into a tree or in front of a car or anything. and squinting almost to the point of blindness in the more populated spots. it was all very surreal.

molly came by after class to use my video camera to take some stills of her studio project. and i should have been in studio working on my own project, but basically i'm a just a big sucker when it come to helping out a friend.

did get back to studio eventually. i had some images in my mind of beautiful drawings that i could do to represent my project, in pencil and watercolour, but didn't feel technically proficient enough to make them. i ended up using my green vellum that i bought almost a year ago, but was saving for an important project. my laundromat was going to be all in green, so.