magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

dreamt that chris.k and garth and i were living in some other apartment. the people down the hall from us, who were also risd students, had thrown a party the night before that had gotten a little bit out of hand (possibly in a supernatural sort of way). our landlord had stopped by to survey the damage and popped in to talk to us too. she was a thirty-something, business woman type. she asked if we were using the conference room that was part of our apartment and i told her that we didn't really, we had only taken the apartment because it was the least expensive nice place that we had found. i started thinking about it though, and decided that i really liked the conference room, and was hoping that chris.k and garth would continue to live there while i was in rome so that i could move back in when i came back.

apparently the building had been built for corporate use, but the company had suffered financial setbacks and couldn't afford to move it. the lot it was built on was zoned as mixed use though, so they had rented rooms out as apartments. our landlord said that the company had been doing well now, and was planning on buying back all the leases at the end of the school year and moving back in. i was upset about this turn of events.

in another dream, a girl who may have been my alternate sister from a parallel dimension was planning on setting up a retrospective of akira kurasawa's work, specifically his early visual art (he had gone to art school before becoming a film maker). but she was having trouble finding a museum or gallery to sponsor the show. so she came to me, figuring that i had some sort of contacts.

and later i was admitted into an underground complex run by a group of people who may have been a cult of some sort. i decided to explore the complex. there was a big library, a bathroom that was probably about thirty by forty feet with couches up against one wall that looked as if people had been sleeping on them, a metal shop, an electrics and robotics lab, a hallway with doors that looked like big old wooden barn doors. and i kept running into rex in various places, and every time he's tell me: "none of this is real."

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went in search of a computer lab with a telnet client so that i could do some programming from a more stable connection than using tangerine at home. found a telnet client, but risd's on campus connection to the outside world was slower than a modem connection. a combination of a lousy novel network and those kids with their napster, i'm sure.

found myself watching tv tonight. for the most part, not even stuff that i found interesting. just using it as something to fill the void. i was kind of sickened by the whole thing.

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the last few days, but today especially, chris.k has spent the whole day working (stone carving or painting) and then has come home rather late to mope. i know first hand how that can cause people to react in a not all that positive, sort of "get over it" kind of manner, and i'm feeling a bit of that reaction in myself. but, there's other reactions too. an empathic reaction, and a care-giver, wanting to do something to help reaction. but while i think i usually want someone to talk to when i'm in those sorts of moods, i've gotten the impression from chris in the past that he's not really open to talking about it. or at least he's a tough nut to crack, and i'm not sure i'm up to it.