magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

and so my bed felt particularly empty last night, knowing that she was just across town.

and this morning more nervous jitters until she finally called, a little after two. "so what are you doing?"

"trying to stay cool. sitting outside on my fire escape because the breeze is blowing from the south and i have no windows in that direction so they're not blowing into my apartment."

"have you heard from the boys about shopping?"

"yeah, christian's working tonight, so we're going early. a little before three, in about forty-five minutes."

"you want to call me when you get back? or do i need to come over now?"

"i suppose i could wait another couple hours."

but she heard something in my voice. "i'm going to come over."

fifteen minutes later she peeked around the corner of my building and waved up at me on the fire escape and smiled. and i met her in the stairwell and the last three days of worrying and feeling insecure just melted away.

she still hasn't explained everything to me, she says she talked it to death with susan over the last few days and is ready to just let it go for a little while, but she seems to be resolute in the idea of making it on her own. she's planning on taking a year off from school and working in an architecture office in providence so that when she comes back to school she'll be classified as an independent student and qualify for more financial aid.

i'm impressed with her determination. i don't think i could do it. but, as i've said before, i'm incredibly grateful to have always gotten along well with my parents.