magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

felt like i was sent to the ice mines deep bellow the architecture building today. had to de-ice the freezer compartment of the office refrigerator, which appeared as if it had been collecting ice for about five years. it was good though. somewhat physical, not too mentally demanding, and cold.

after burritos (was worried about going 'cause of yesterday's fight with garth, but that turned out okay) pretty much everyone went outside to smoke while i stayed and washed the dishes and had terribly spiteful thoughts swimming around my head. fine. kill yrself. after you've died of lung cancer i'll find someone new who actually respects their body. or even worse. maybe we should just call it quits now so that i don't have to watch you dying of lung cancer.

and it's always hurt to see people i care about doing stupid things like smoking. but this is the first time i've ever been dating anyone who was smoking at the time. i remember telling chris.k last summer that i didn't think i'd ever be able to have a serious relationship with someone who smoked. and look how two or three cigarettes a day is getting to me. imagine if it were a whole pack.