magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

stef called at two last night. "sorry i didn't call you yesterday." i was too tired to carry on much of a conversation.

a little while later i sat up and scribbled:

bed too short
=
inability to sleep

---

and tonight she called from the bar after work. i almost wanted to say, "don't bother calling me from the bar to say goodnight. i's almost an insult..." but, i'm glad that she calls me. it hurts, i wish that she was here, or that i could share in that part of her life, but i'm glad that she's reaching out at all.

which all got me thinking about her smoking, and how she seems to have been hiding it from me for the last few weeks. i wish she wouldn't smoke at all, but it in a way it's worse to know that she's doing it, but that it's totally separate from my experience with her.