Untitled.
19 October 2001
the last few days i've sort of been feeling a distance from stef a little more acutely. accompanied by a resurgence of my old feelings that i wouldn't really make all that great a boyfriend. this is something that originally began cropping up sometime last year, when i wasn't expecting to be in any sort of relationship until after italy, most likely.
after out field trip to the etruscan museum (part of art history, i'm not sure how much i'll retain in that respect, but i did get a few ideas for possible inclusion in future projects), i was headed to the library to email stef about these feelings, just the act of telling her would likely make them seem a little less significant as telling her about my insecurities always does (just the fact that she's there to tell proves some of those feelings groundless), and i noticed that there was mail in my box. filmbags from lomo, and an actual handwritten letter from stef.
and just that act of getting a letter sort of made that distance, those worries, melt away. ink that her hand had put down on the paper. nothing much more than would be in email, and quite a bit more dated, but there's something about the immediacy of reading words from the same pieces of paper that she sat over and wrote on. and a photo. of her on a bench in india point park, the companion to the photo of me that she took there. she's wearing white and glowing in the sun. my radiant girl.