magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

"it used to be cute and harmless and now it's potentially harmful and terribly tragic."

today i sort of forgot what it felt like when it was good with stef. i wasn't feeling much of anything, just sort of numb. i woke up wanting to apologize to lindsey for the fact that given the context of everything i can't be a wonderful amazing thing in her life.

i got email from garth telling me that he's been somewhere similar. telling me to let go.

i dyed my hair black. "i'm happy that my hair's black. it's something to feel."

and there was a party at the apartment of some of the cornell kids. i started feeling sick on the walk over there, and only a few minutes after arriving i decided that i had to come back home.

and another phone call to stef. and voicemail again.