magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

"i missed you last night after i left for bed."

"i'm sorry."

---

things were different today.

i got the most encouraging email yet from stef. and then spent the day thinking about lindsey. i'm sure there's all sorts of possible reasons for this. some logical, some pretty much harmless, some that make me out to be an awful person.

---

"are we being stupid about all this?"

"yeah, but there's really no response that isn't stupid."

---

tried to call stef a bit after midnight. got her voicemail. left a five minute message. don't know what i said exactly.

called er!n and we talked until almost five in the morning. i wish i could remember half of what we talked about. stef, lindsey, us. allison, q, sonali. basically it was bean's romantic and sexual history and what lessons can be learned from it all. and it all really boils down to the fact that i have to talk with stef. (and accept that doing the right thing is sometimes painful, i guess.)