magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

'you're not tired?'

'i'm still tired.'

'so why are you sitting over there, and not lying here in bed with me?'

'it's just...'

'...'

'...'

'i don't like it when we kiss and your mouth completely covers mine. it feels like you're eating me.'

'...'

'...'

'what?'

'i don't' know...'

'no. what is it?'

'i just... i just don't want to. i don't even really like sex. and i don't have any desire to.'

'i don't understand that. from you, especially.'

'what's that supposed to mean?'

'well, you said to me once, your words, "i think about sex and want it more any girl i know."'

'i think about it. i don't know if i said i want it.'

'you did. and how am i supposed to feel? you want to sleep with strangers who you pick up in bars, but not with me.'

'it's a different thing. i don't want to do that anymore. i'm not having sex with anyone else. i just don't want to now. i'm happy just to be with you. to have you in my bed. to cuddle. to know that you're my boyfriend.'

'but sex is a part of a relationship.'

'i know. but i'm not going to force myself to do something that i don't want to do.'

'i know. i know. but when's the last time that we even really kissed? like a real passionate kiss.'

'...i don't know'

'it's not even about the sex so much as just... being close to you... and most of the sex i've ever had has been with you. i'm still figuring out what it all means to me.'

'you'll have to find some other way to figure it out. just relax and don't worry about it too much. we've got the rest of our lives. i'm sure we'll have plenty more sex.'