magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

today's stef's half birthday. i had thought about resending the birthday present that she didn't get while i was in rome. with or without the short note, which said essentially, i'll be waiting when you figure things out. but of course i didn't send it. i resolved not to contact her in any way, and as hard as that is, especially on days like today (and another coming soon), i really have to stick by that.

that resolve wasn't exactly bolstered when i logged onto aim and saw amy.e connected. i'm not sure when i added her to my buddy list. i don't think i've ever seen her online. but i fought back the urge to message her too.

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i haven't heard from er!n in about a week. the last time we talked on the phone she asked if i was going to be around on the 24th, today, to help move erin.l back to school. even though she thought they were over as a couple, moving is always stressful for him and she wanted to help. at that point i still had hopes of going to ohio, but i told her i'd let her know. when george called this morning and said that he was interested in going into new york to buy a pair of vegan work boots i realized that today was that day.

but like i said, i haven't really heard from er!n since then. and i know that she's preparing to go back to school too, and is probably all kinds of busy. but still, i worry. i hope that things are okay.

as it turns out, george and i didn't go into the city. the store we went to a few weeks ago still didn't have his size in stock, so he ordered them online. we got indian food in great barrington, then stopped at daniel's and talked politics. then home and we talked roll playing, which is something i haven't even thought much about in quite a few years.

in a way, it all serves to revert me back to a place that i was before risd. and i think that being home for a month has something to do with that as well. this is the longest that i've lived at home (that i ever planned on living at home again) since the summer i came back from texas. before my first real semester at risd. and risd has certainly affected me, but from the here and now it is like one of those bubbles of unreality that surrounds trips, the it was all just a dream scenario.