magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

at the mailroom this morning i found out that my studio lottery is tomorrow. so nice of them to tell us well in advance. however, what this really means is that i'm going to have to see stef tomorrow rather than wednesday, as i had been preparing myself for. well, not preparing, exactly. if the lottery wasn't tomorrow, i would be feeling the way i am twenty-four hours from now. torn up inside. scared and wanting to hide, to run away.

i spent this evening making a mix-tape titled 'just leave me alone. a tape of pretty songs.' it kept me occupied. and since i was going to be thinking of her anyway.