magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

the daydream goes something like this:

amy: i can't believe that i'm saying this, but you really have to get back together with stephany.

bean: why? so she can hurt me again?

amy: she really wants to be with you. if you asked her to marry you she'd probably say yes.

bean: if she really wants to, she can ask me.

amy: well, she doesn't completely realize that she wants to. but she talks about you all the time and she could really use your stability in her life right now.

of course this differs quite a bit from reality, in that she probably doesn't talk about me much, if at all, and if we were to ever end up back together she would probably only break my heart again.

---

we drove down to new york city for studio today. to see the world trade center site. the entire event remains completely inconceivable to me. pompeii had seemed so far removed from what had happened there because, i thought, it had happened so long ago. but i think it must be more a factor of the magnitude. some things are just beyond our realm of fully grasping.

i walked around the site twice. tried to draw it. instead just settled into watching the other people and their reactions.

---

also of note, it's aaron's twenty-fifth birthday today.

---

upon my return to providence i sort of felt like i wanted to do something. i called garth. 'there's always drinking.'

'like going out and drinking somewhere or like drinking at someone's house?' he asked.

'i've actually been more into going out and drinking lately, even though it's more expensive.'

but after eating some left over burrito stuff i felt all sluggish and pretty much lost any desire to leave my apartment. and it was saturday night, and that seemed kind of lame, but it's what ended up happening.