magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

after the card game last night we watched the second tomb raider flick. daniel and jeanette checked out half way through. mike left at the end. and i stayed up half the night playing more poker online. you know how i go through these phases of finding some new thing to occupy my brain with for a while? i know poker is a little cliche right now (it's what all the cool kids are doing), but i needed to find something.

---

i admitted out loud today that i am thinking about moving to new york. yesterday it was 'something to look into' because it is the single geographical location with the highest concentration of my friends. (a few very close friends: chris and er!n. and a lot of risd/ehp kids who i would be happy to hang out with more often.) before yesterday new york was one nebulous possibility in the sea of scary possibilities.

saying it out loud was difficult, but in a way, was a huge relief. here is something i can put my mind to. here is a step that i can take towards getting my life together. of course i might hate new york. but it's a new experience, i've got a support network there, there's job opportunities, there's tons of good food.

and yes it's scary. it's one of the scarier places i could think of going. new york has always been off that edge of what is 'too big' for me. but having friends there means that it's not paralyzingly scary. and that's really what i need right now. something that will hopefully kick my ass enough to get me to put my fists up and start making a few jabs back. not something that will kick me in the guts and step on my throat.

i'm not sure where that metaphor came from. the pacifist in me apologizes profusely. but the sentiment stands.

---

daniel and jeanette were invited to a friend's house for dinner tonight, and brought me along. they had asked yesterday if i would like to go, and i thought it would be a good idea to get out and do something sociable. and it was nice. just their friend and her son, and the three of us. cocktails, dinner, conversation. i had sort of forgotten what it was like to sit around a dinner table with good food and a bottle of wine in that sort of atmosphere. dinners in rome were a little like that, but less formal. i guess that sushi night, and later burrito night, were my early attempts at cultivating that sort of environment. dinner parties are really one of the few 'grown up' things that i think are really cool.

---

later daniel and i both played poker online. i chatted with george on aim. and after everyone else had gone to bed i stayed up way past my bedtime searching for apartments and jobs in new york city.