magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

bean is not actually from antarctica. his heart is covered in paisleys.

he makes tiny little pictures and sometimes writes about his life.

Untitled.

13 January 2004

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the late nights/early mornings and sporadic food intake are taking their toll. i woke up this morning, less than five hours of sleep in me, feeling more like a shell of a person than anything else. i sat up in bed for twenty minutes, mouth agape, staring at the snowflakes falling outside. they were the sort of snowflakes that you only ever see in movies, when the snow is a miracle because it's summer, or it's southern california, or the lovers, long separated by star-crossed fate, have found eachother accidentally on the street of the big city, years later. it was the sort of snow you see in television shows set in boston but filmed on a sound stage in los angeles. like the snow in a snowglobe. like plum blossoms.

i discussed new york and my impending future with both chris and er!n this morning. and of course stef and austin came up in both conversations. following through with a decision to move to new york (or anywhere else really) is an admission that the city of austin and i are done (for now). and it's another whole level of things to lose, beyond just stef. until this point i had largely been thinking about what i would miss doing with her in austin. but the city itself is really another character in my life whom i was forced to leave without saying any goodbyes. but it definitely would not be a healthy place for me to live without her. not now, and maybe not ever.

as i said to er!n earlier, 'this is making me sad, i don't want to talk about it anymore.'

today was another day of foiled plans to hang out with george. i had told him last night that i'd be online. or he could just stop by. daniel and i headed out around three to pick up some groceries. i hadn't heard from george yet at this point, but left him a message to tell him as much.

six hours later we roll back home. in the middle of that block of time george had sent me an email: i'd stop by if i knew you were there. and i wasn't able to get in touch with him when we did get back, so hope he didn't just decide to stop in and find no one home.