magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

i was startled out of some crazy dreams wondering 'what the fuck am i doing?' took a shower, got dressed, and headed out to roosevelt island where i'm looking at another apartment. today is one of those days that i just feel completely broken inside.

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'i find myself missing the things about you that drive me nuts.'

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so now i've seen two very different places. both with a lot going for them. the roosevelt island apartment is really nice. down a flight of stairs from the foyer. big kitchen. big living room. windows on both sides and lots of light. a view of the u.n. building, one of my favourite in new york. the roommates are closer to my age: a graphic designer/sculptor looking to get into architectural rendering in his twenties. a teacher of digital media in her thirties. they're vegetarians. it's a calm, quiet place in the craziness of new york.

i feel like i should be looking at other places, but i'm already torn between these two.

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back at er!n's place i tried to weigh the pros and cons. by dinner time, going with my gut, i called the nyu kids and told them that if they'd have me i'd love to live with them. dinner itself was ethiopian, midtown with er!n and chris.

and then to hang with some of er!n's cooper friends. and then chris and i were back out to brooklyn to a bar called the royal oak, which chris says is always full of risd kids but from the classes before and after us and hence no one he knows. but on the way to the subway we hear 'bean!'

'is that someone shouting bean?' chris asks.

'it sort of sounded like it.'

'bean!'

'it looks like it came from that way. are they talking to the person in that car? wait, is that ying?' and it was ying, who transfered to risd along with us in the summer of 1999. she and a friend (also a risd kid, who i had met, but didn't really know) were headed into the village, and chris and i were headed out, so we continued on our separate ways.

we went to the royal oak because allison (who i know from my year in rome) had been trying to get people to come out and had asked if i wanted to come too. none of the other ehp kids were there. there were a few people whom i had talked to once or twice, but mostly chris was right, and it was a lot of faces i recognized from providence, but who i hadn't ever actually met.

after chris left i ended up talking with a girl from california who didn't go to risd, but was friends with one of allison's roommates. i think. i'm not sure what her name is despite having walked with her to the subway stop, i'm terrible with such things, but there's a good chance we'll run into eachother again.