magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

my mood swings are much bigger now that i'm starting to take some steps towards getting my life together. i spent a good chunk of the afternoon on the edge of a panic attack. this is such a huge, stressful, crazy thing. it's admitting, in a very real way, that i am not going back to texas, and that scares and saddens me immensely.

fought off the urge to call stef. 'i don't want to fight. i don't really have anything to talk about. i just wanted to hear your voice.'

and so i spent a lot of the afternoon on the phone with george. talked with laura. chris was right when he said that she and patrick probably wouldn't be broken up for long. she said that while they're 'not officially back together,' they sort of are. talked with allison briefly, we didn't get much of a chance to talk last night and i was curious what she was doing this evening (chris is at work until midnight and er!n's fiance patrick is coming into town). she was busy, but gave me paolo and reid's phone numbers. i got paolo's voicemail, and got a wrong number with what i had written down for reid.

more phone time with george. then paolo. then chris who was still at work, but returning my call about staying at his place tonight. made plans to go see paolo's (and they've got a futon i could crash on). ordered takeout. ate and headed back out to brooklyn.

paolo and reid and two other risd kids are living in a loft in the heart of williamsburg that's about half again as big as the one i'm going to be moving in to. they've built two rooms along either side, with walls about eight feet up and then sloping back at a 45 degree angle to meet the ceiling. so that each room is like a little house (with windows and skylights) off of the street that is the hall between them. it's really pretty cool.

paolo is still doing work for marvel comics. reid is making good money as a fine dining waiter and is looking to finish his autobiographical comic for which paolo says he has already found a publisher.

i talked with emily.s for a bit on paolo's phone. she's off for two years in the peace corps. that very well may trump my move to new york.