magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

despite not getting to bed until sometime considerably after four last night, and the fact that today was the first day since starting my job that i was able to sleep in, i woke up at ten and couldn't get back to sleep. it was like the very first mornings without stef. all i wanted to do was roll over and cuddle up next to her and drift back off into dreams. and it hurt so much that she wasn't there.

i talked with george and sam online. eventually showered and shaved. took the subway into manhattan.

had two bagels and a cup of coffee, read part of the new york times that someone had left behind. it was sunny, but cold. i wanted to be somewhere with big south-facing windows. i ended up in a bookstore. a walk through the architecture section tore at my heart. in the fiction section i thought some more about the screenplay that i'm not writing. composed a few lines on the train on the way back to brooklyn.

and dinner, and television, and a quiet night at home.