magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

and again there were no computers for me to use at work. although i did get to pretend to be a graffiti kid. everyone on staff had to be part of these corporate team-building workshops. beatrice cut out of her team half way through the day to actually get some work done, and enlisted me to sort of take her place. 'can you do any graffiti?' they asked me. i'm young and artistic, so the question sort of makes sense, i guess.

'sure.'

as part of the workshop each team had to make a one minute rook music video. changing the lyrics of a song to espouse the virtues of the company. they wanted me to design and paint a graffiti piece with the company logo as a backdrop for their video. and i think i did a pretty good job for someone who's never actually done any graffiti.

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i put sheets and blankets on my bed tonight. sitting on it, all made and ready to be slept in, i realized why it took me so long to put it all together. i called chris. 'what's up?'

'i really feel like i need to do something bad for me,' i said.

'what did you have in mind?'

'drinking a beer. smoking a few cigarettes.'

'i'd be up for that.'

'you want to meet at life cafe? since it's about half way between our respective places.'

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'so i've been here a month. i'm paying rent. i have a job that i go to every day. but it was finally having my own bed that made me feel as if i was really here. that i'm not going back to austin.'

sitting at bar was weird too. i'm thinking back, and i'm not sure i've done that since leaving texas. i've been out at bars. gotten drunk. but sitting at the bar is something different. and i expect her to be sitting on the bar stool next to me. and maybe smoking. although you can't smoke in new york bars. which is usually something i like, but tonight seemed inconvenient.

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and three beers later, standing outside the door to my building, finishing a cigarette, a couple approaches me.

him: 'back from life huh?'

me: 'uh huh.'

her: 'we understand.'