magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

despite getting to bed late, and intermittent periods of sleeping and walking all night, i woke up feeling the most rested i have in a while. showered. when i came back, sonali had rolled over onto the side of the bed that i had been sleeping on. she woke up a little as i left. 'i'm off to work. you can sleep as late as you want.'

she took my hand, squeezed my fingers. 'i'll see you soon.'

---

last night i told her about how i've been waking up feeling sick every morning. 'you won't feel sick tomorrow,' she told me. and she was right.

i stopped for a bagel for the first time since monday. got to the register. thought about orange juice. 'small black coffee?' the counter girl asked.

'yeah, i guess so. thank you.'

during my mid-afternoon slump though i decided to go with tea. or, the coffee pot was empty and i took that as a sign of sorts. or else it was the laziness.

---

after work i called sonali. no answer. er!n. no answer. chris. was planning on going to a gallery show in chelsea, did i want to meet him there?

sonali messaged me. she was at dinner with trevett, another of her friends in new york who went to nmh. although neither of us knew him there. sonali had met him during her year at syracuse. other than a slightly familiar name i had no idea who he was.

chris and i went to the veggie south indian place on second ave. ate good food. but it started looking less and less like i was going to get to see sonali tonight. i headed back out to brooklyn. i felt like a loser. going home at 11 on friday night when i have an old friend in town visiting and all sorts of other friends who live here.

passed out for two hours. watched some queer as folk. then went back to bed.