magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

2004 is half over. It's a little bit hard to believe. I've certainly had six months worth of things happen to me. But I don't feel like I'm six months further along in my life. As in, I don't feel like I've grown. Or accomplished much. That's not true, of course, if stepped back from and looked at as subjectively as possible. I spent three of those months at a cool job that still looks like I a have a shot of getting back to when things pick up a bit, a job that as I move into more of an assistant designer position will also hopefully be more of a stepping stone towards breaking into production design for film (or narrative TV) which might be something that I actually want to do. I've met some cool new people.

But it's hard to look at one's own life in a particularly subjective light. It's easier to take note of the feeling that (largely because of the lack of school) the last six months have been the most directionless of the past five years. It's easier to recognize the listless loneliness of insomniac nights and exhausted days and to feel ungrounded, untied to anything permanent, as if piece by piece, unnoticed, I could just float away.

2004 is half over. But there's still half of it left.