magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

bean is not actually from antarctica. his heart is covered in paisleys.

he makes tiny little pictures and sometimes writes about his life.

A staircase to nowhere.

20 November 2004

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Last night was filled up with dreams about having kids. Mostly with Stef. In waking life, years ago, a mutual desire not to have kids was one of the first things that we bonded over.

Chris found his way back to Brooklyn earlyish this afternoon, and had eaten breakfast with Julia.R who now lives about three blocks from Becky in Queens, but we went to Life for brunch anyway. He told me that Dave.Z's girlfriend Jenine was having a housewarming party later on, if I was interested in going. I figured there'd probably be a number of RISD kids there so I wouldn't feel too out of place, and since my self-imposed ('Don't you mean court-imposed?' Ellen asked me on the phone the other day.) period of not drinking is over, I might as well do something with my Saturday night that involves alcohol.

As it happened, other than Chris and Dave, there was only one carload of RISD kids, and they didn't stick around for a terribly long time, as they were headed out to a party at Alex.L's, around the corner from my house. And, as it happened, I only drank one beer.

At brunch, Chris and I had talked about attraction. At the party he said, 'I bet there's a lot of girls here who are of the sort you would be interested in.'

I looked around. 'Not so much. None that really stand out.'

Sometime later a girl came up to me. Made a comment about the stairs that lead to nowhere. (This apartment had once been the ground floor of a single family house.) Wandered off. I noticed that she seemed to have a boyfriend, and then realized no, there are actually two girls, twins. When they left, the one who had mentioned the staircase, which I was now sitting on, smiled really big and waved goodbye.

There was something familiar in her smile, that made me wonder if perhaps I had met her somewhere before. I'm terrible with faces. People seem familiar to me, but I can never tell if it's just because they remind me of someone I know, or if I've met them, or if I've seen them on TV, or if it's just crossed wires in my head.