magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

The frequency of occasions on which I've found myself feeling as if on the verge of tears has greatly increased over the last few weeks. I wrote the first couple of times off to my emotional allergies to Sundays. And then this past Saturday to the fact that it felt like a Sunday. The ones in between were overtiredness, or worrying about bills, or some other discernible cause.

So far this week I've been fighting tears back pretty consistently, with no real discernible cause. I'm on top of my bills. Sleeping seven or so hours a night. Eating well enough. The days are getting longer. The snow the other day was beautiful, not at all something to cry over.

And so this is the same realization that I have every couple of years about how there probably is something misaligned inside my head and it's why I can't get shit done, and it's why people always thing I'm sad, even when I feel like everything's okay. So that when I feel like I'm sad, especially when there's no good reason for it, things must just be out of whack in there.

---

I bought plates today. Four of them.

Oh, and I almost forgot, walking down into the 34th Street yellow and orange line station, on my way to get the plates, I passed someone on the stairs who I could have sworn I knew from TV. A brief wracking of the brain provided me with CSI: NY, originally the worst of the franchise (Yes, even worse than Miami with the William Shatner of our generation, David Caruso.) but which is coming into its own as the first season progresses. A quick web search just now leads to a name, Eddie Cahill, and the fact that he's 6'2", which seems about right, so I'm pretty sure it was him.

What does this mean? Nothing. People who I actually know often tell me that they saw me on the street and that I seemed so in my own world that I didn't notice them at all. Sometimes, as I'm passing someone, I'll look up and make brief eye contact and feel like I know them from somewhere. But am hardly ever sure from where.

Maybe that's what this means. The B12 I've been taking is starting to kick in and my powers of memory are returning. One part of my brain, at least, is working like it's supposed to be.