magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

3. Procrastination is not a problem of time management or of planning. Procrastinators are not different in their ability to estimate time, although they are more optimistic than others.

From "Procrastination: Ten Things to Know" in Psychology Today

Nothing new in this article (George sent me a link yesterday when I was complaining about procrastinating and I further procrastinated by reading it). I don't necessarily agree with all ten items, but I think the point that procrastination is not a problem of time management is a valid one. Although to be sure I've got some time management issues as well.

I think that if I don't get into grad school, there will be no real question of why. I am a procrastinator. I have always been a procrastinator (maybe not from birth, but from early enough on that I might as well have been). I have almost never put 100% into anything. Most of what I've done in my life is 2/3 of what it could be. Or less.

Today was incredibly productive. I worked, more or less non-stop, for about 20 hours. If I had spread what was squeezed into those 20 hours (and yesterday and the little stabs at it before that) over the last three weeks it would (almost certainly) be even better. I did get into RISD with an application put together over a period of only a few days. Which is probably part of the problem. I've always gotten away with cramming everything into the last few hectic moments before its too late. The only time that it hasn't worked out was my application to grad school in computer music at Brown right after RISD, and I never really even took that application seriously.

Which is not to say that I don't want to get into Columbia in order to teach myself a lesson. First, I wouldn't actually learn anything from it, the pattern is so ingrained by this point it would take considerably more. And second, that would just suck.