magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

Last night was one of those nights. The ones where I toss and turn and my legs ache, and my skin itches, and I'm sweating even though it's not really all that hot anymore and I don't think I have a fever, and every time I'm almost drifting off to sleep a car alarm or my bladder or something jolts me back to a fully conscious state. And I check the clock and it's been an hour since I went to bed. Then another hour. Maybe I drift off, but then I'm awake again, and it's the middle of the night. Then the sun's coming up. I've got an hour to my alarm. Half an hour. Fifteen minutes. Then my alarms going off. Snooze for five minutes. Snooze for five minutes. Snooze snooze snooze. It's an hour later, I'm sweating again. I've got a headache. And I drag myself up out of bed.

And then, it's always so hard to be focussed on work when things have been slow and I've fallen into the rut of stable inertia. I've got my head in the fridge, or I'm poking around on the internet, or I'm watching an old episode of Arrested Development, or thinking about reading Proust, or I'm buying t-shirts about ghost bands and teacups with moustaches. And then I'm headed out to dinner with the kids. And by the time I get home I'm exhausted and dehydrated and someone has thrown out the bookshelves covered in 1970s paisley fabric that I had already pulled out of the trash last week, and yes they were still sitting in the stairwell, but they weren't really blocking anything except the door to my own apartment, and you could have left a note first, 'move these or they're going back in the trash', and did you have to throw out my pink sneakers too? I mean, yeah, they're ratty and beat up and the soles are falling off, but they're still good for things like wearing when standing on the roof in the rain, and I suppose more practical things, like painting, and that's what I was doing with them, the former, the rain one, which is why they got wet and why I left them sitting outside my door. They were right next to the umbrella, isn't the association clear? You didn't throw the umbrella out.

And then I'm watching Blade: The Series. And then it's midnight, and I just want to go to bed and make a work call in the morning: 'I'm a terrible person. This should have been done last night. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'll get it to you by noon.'