magicbeans. nothing if not awkward.

'So the blog is dead,' Matt said to me. 'RIP.'

'I still have stuff to say, it's just..'

'You've thought better of it?'

'I don't know that that's it. I used to be totally honest, I'd write about anything.'

'But, then anyone could read it.'

'That didn't used to stop me.'

'You got smarter.'

'I'm not so sure. Sometimes I think that I should just write it all. Consequences be damned. I don't think it could really make things any worse.'

Chris said, 'I read your entry on the 22nd, does that mean that you're done? You're not writing anymore?'

'Matt said something like that too, but that wasn't my intention, it's just that..'

'But you're censoring yourself.'

'Yeah, well, I'm thinking about stopping that.'

And later, 'So how are things going.'

'They're not.'

'Well, they're not going for me either. So we're even. Which is pretty much the way it's usually been. So I guess it's back to the norm. I'm leaving soon. But you could still stand up, make something happen.'

'Stand up to what?' I ask.

In line for the bathroom, Caitlin asks 'Is Channing still here? I haven't seen her in a while.'

'I have no idea. Wait, there she is. So yes, she's still here. And so is Chris, apparently.'

And Chris said some minutes later, and then again on the phone, 'I could have, but I didn't. And I wouldn't. Ever.'

'And I appreciate that. I mean really. I do.' On his birthday, even. 'But just having that possibility even hanging out there makes things even more awkward for me.'

'Well, I'm in the passenger seat of Cora's car. At South 5th now. Headed home. You still have a shot.'

Nick, leaving, 'I guess I'll see you. Unless you're coming along? We're just going to get another drink somewhere, or something.'

'I'd like to. But the whole situation is a little complicated.'

'Because of someone here?'

'No, actually because of one of the people you're leaving with. We sort of, but then..'

'You should come.'

'It's more that the invitation wasn't really extended.'

'I don't think that there was any real planning, it was just whoever was standing around in the kitchen a few minutes ago. You should come. Meet us outside. I'll stall.'

'Okay. I guess. It seems like things are breaking up here anyway.'

'You're leaving?' Emily asks.

'Yeah, I think that's sort of the general consensus around here. It was nice to meet you though.'

'I'm sure I'll see you again.

'You probably won't have the fangs anymore though, so I might not recognise you.'

'I'll have to keep them in.'

'That's a good call. They are kind of hot.'

Outside, Christian, to someone else, 'So, can I get your number?'

And after she left, me to Christian, 'I'm conflicted. One of those girls that Nick just turned the corner with up there..'

'You're into?'

'Well, I kind of hooked up with a few weeks ago. But she's supposedly seeing someone else. And everyone keeps telling me that I should keep trying anyway, but she's really coming across as just not that interested. Or I could just try flirting with that girl upstairs.'

'I have to pee. So I'm going back up.'

'Nick doesn't seem to be answering his phone, so I don't know where they went anyway. I guess I'm coming back up too.'

'I thought you left,' Emily said. 'What happened to the rabbit ears?'

'They're in my bag, the wind was blowing them off my head.'

And eventually, back on the street, 'You guy's can probably catch a cab right on the corner here. I'm going to get on the subway.'

Then on the phone, 'Hey Bean, what's up?'

'I'm headed back into Manhattan, I just got your voicemail before, so I didn't know where you guys were headed.'

'I'm sorry, I thought you were following us.'

'Well, the whole situation was a bit on the awkward side anyway. And not just at the end of the night, but pretty much the whole time. I don't even know why I'm telling you except that you walked into the tail end of it.'